So I'm still stressing over last weeks weigh in, i gained 3.9kg, no idea how? I'm at a loss? My concern over this led me to the Dr's who has explained that the medication I'm on to balance my hormones, which haven't been quite right since baby #5, can cause fluid retention, sudden weight gains etc, apparently I'm not supposed to stress over this... arghhhhh.... yes I'm stressing, feel like I'm fighting a losing battle :( .... but i will not give in to this and be an obese mess, if things continue on the way they have been i will try a different medication.



Something else has been on my mind for a few days, I was driving to woolies and had a childhood memory return to haunt me, a birthday card i received from a friend on my 8th birthday, it had a picture of a little girl on the front wearing little jeans a check shirt and a cap, she had her brown ponytail coming out the back of the cap... I remember looking at this card time and time again until my early teens, wishing i could be that slim, carefree girl... i was a chubby child,,, this memory saddens me. Here i was thinking Ive been battling the weight and yo-yoing for 7 or 8 years and the truth is Ive been unhappy with myself and my weight since i was 8 years old, I'm 31 on July 30th, Ive already spent almost 23 years chasing what Ive always considered was an impossible dream, time to change destiny and take the "im" out of "im"possible! because "im" letting go of the past, its not gonna hold me back anymore, "im" giving myself permission to move on and make this happen, "im" in control... "im" doing this... "im" making it possible... :o) Ive realised that if i don't let go of the past, if i keep seeing myself as that chubby child who desperately wanted to be someone or something else, if i keep judging myself and grading myself 'unworthy' 'useless' and a 'failure' because of a number on a scale I'll never get anywhere... weigh in tomorrow, anxiously looking forward to my first weigh in without the fog of the past hanging around me ;o)