smooth sailing

well i must say its been a longgggg time between posts, yes Ive been pretty slack in this area, but this doesn't mean my efforts have been slack.... I decided, along with hubby, that our lifestyle isn't and hasn't been doing us any favors, so off to the Dr we went, then off to a dietitian and a diabetes specialist as we both have diabetes in our families, we've headed the warnings and taken the advice that's been given and both made major lifestyle changes over the last six weeks, and we've both lost a total of 8kg (each) to date. I must say I'm very proud of myself but I'm doubly proud of Jase, he's never been a fan of the healthy lifestyle, healthy eating or exercise and here he is putting it all into practice, for me i think its the fact that were doing it together, the support is great and is making all the difference! No doubt Christmas time will bring its challenges, but I'm sure I can adapt some of the Christmas recipes and make them healthier.

Ive taken a different view point on things, I'm NOT on a diet, so I'm not looking at this as a short term thing that will come to an end, this is our new lifestyle, were putting in place and learning new habits that will benefit our health and the weight loss well that's a bonus.... hopefully this will be a positive thing for the kids to, so that when there grown they (hopefully) wont face the same battle with the scale as we have.

Here we go again!

Argh, ive spent the last 5 weeks chasing my tail and the scale up and down and all over the place, needless to say im back at the beginning and starting again..... AGAIN!

im not gonna beat myself up over it, shit happens and life goes on, im a busy mum, most times i dont get a lot of time to focus on me so the end result isnt always ideal to my weight loss efforts.... but hey im still here and still tryin, thats the main thing :o)

Ive alloted a little 'me' time, Tuesday and Thursday evenings i go to Zumba! its great, full on, sooooo hectic and fast, gets the blood racing and ur heart thumping, and its run by a local church group so its just a group of gals tryin there best and laughin it up, its a fantastic stress buster i tell ya lol.

Next Tuesday im booked in for day surgery, ive opted to have a tubal ligation, i saw the Dr only 5 weeks ago and was told id be on the waiting list for about a year then I got a letter someone had canceled and there was an appointment open, which i snapped up. Funny though, as much as i know this is what i want, and whats best given that hubby and I only need look at each other and im preggers, it all feels quite strange, ive been an emotional mess, mood swinging fiercly from yes this is definatly what i want 300% to thinking 'what am i doing??... am i crazy??' i think a lot of its nerves, and then the finality of it all, and really, ive been a mum for 14 years, i dont have a job, a career, etc.... whats next if im not a mum looking after littlies? I guess it will all sort itself out, hubby has said that if in the future there is some fantastic force driving us to have another child we will do whatever is necesscary and make it so... but right now, i have my 5 precious lil souls and i really dont want any more (as my mind screams out in disagreement!!) BIGGG DECISIONS are by no means easy ones!

dont live in the past and be hurt by yesterday, live for the future and be loved by tomorrow.

love it!

i treated myself to a haircut this week, i hadnt had a cut in almost 15 months!! my hair was getting way to long and quite hard to manage. its nothing fancy, the hairdresser too off about 5 inches ( its still sits about 2 inches below my shoulders) and cut in some soft layers around my face, pretty basic but i love it. i had to take Amber (4 1/2) and Deagan (9 months) with me and was quite nervous that they'd reek havoc in the salon but to my surprise they were perfect angels! the hairdresser was great to, a young gay man (this was most obvious lol) when i saw him i was again very nervous, i havent had much confidence lately, add to that lots of anxiety :( , but he was great, straightened my hair, which was a total fuzz ball, and then cut it so nicely, took him almost an hour! I used to get my hair done by a gay man when i was younger and he was the same, so now i believe no one can cut a womens hair like a gay man lol. i also shouted myself some make up, it was a real boost, made me feel quite special.

its my 31st birthday friday, jason is 33 on sunday, were having a party at our place saturday night and im really looking forward to it, time for a little fun i think :)

Ohh and in other news Deagan is crawling! look out world chaos is comming!!

Finally things are heading back in the right direction... down.... most of last weeks weight spike is gone, thank god, so perhaps he was right and it was fluid retention. Lets just hope next week see's the scales being friendly and giving me a smaller number again. A loss of 3.8 this week after last weeks gain of 3.9... im still having a little trouble getting my head around the fluid idea, thats a lot of water weight to gain and lose over a couple of weeks... ohh well im no doctor. Might treat myself to a haircut next week, havent has one in almost 15 months!!! Somehow i always seem to forget myself, yes i will call and make an appointment, kids never miss out on anything, a little something for me wont hurt.

So I'm still stressing over last weeks weigh in, i gained 3.9kg, no idea how? I'm at a loss? My concern over this led me to the Dr's who has explained that the medication I'm on to balance my hormones, which haven't been quite right since baby #5, can cause fluid retention, sudden weight gains etc, apparently I'm not supposed to stress over this... arghhhhh.... yes I'm stressing, feel like I'm fighting a losing battle :( .... but i will not give in to this and be an obese mess, if things continue on the way they have been i will try a different medication.



Something else has been on my mind for a few days, I was driving to woolies and had a childhood memory return to haunt me, a birthday card i received from a friend on my 8th birthday, it had a picture of a little girl on the front wearing little jeans a check shirt and a cap, she had her brown ponytail coming out the back of the cap... I remember looking at this card time and time again until my early teens, wishing i could be that slim, carefree girl... i was a chubby child,,, this memory saddens me. Here i was thinking Ive been battling the weight and yo-yoing for 7 or 8 years and the truth is Ive been unhappy with myself and my weight since i was 8 years old, I'm 31 on July 30th, Ive already spent almost 23 years chasing what Ive always considered was an impossible dream, time to change destiny and take the "im" out of "im"possible! because "im" letting go of the past, its not gonna hold me back anymore, "im" giving myself permission to move on and make this happen, "im" in control... "im" doing this... "im" making it possible... :o) Ive realised that if i don't let go of the past, if i keep seeing myself as that chubby child who desperately wanted to be someone or something else, if i keep judging myself and grading myself 'unworthy' 'useless' and a 'failure' because of a number on a scale I'll never get anywhere... weigh in tomorrow, anxiously looking forward to my first weigh in without the fog of the past hanging around me ;o)

i think i can ...

Yep I'm back and i think i can get in control again and get this done, god knows Ive been here sooooo many times before, i know exactly what needs to be done but just don't know how to keep myself motivated to get it done :/

I think Ive finally realised just how important it is to track everything, the good the bad and the ugly (there's been a lot of ugly lately!) lets hope the penny has finally dropped! yesterday i was off track but did track everything and threw in some exercise and looking back over it this morning it wasn't that bad. It wasn't good, but it certainly wasn't a train wreck!

Today I'm feeling brighter and more positive despite having a head cold and a sore throat, I'm not feeling constantly hungry (don't think this REALLY happens anyway, i think the days where I'm 'constantly hungry' its more that I'm in a bad head space) and Ive done 40 minutes exercise, lets hope this continues....

why whyyy whyyyyyyy???

arghhhh im so fricken frustrated with myself, have been on a total and complete binge fest for days now, eating anything and everything that gets in my way :(

i sooooo dont want to weigh myself because then i'll start on the self hate, then i'll give up :(

i dont wanna give up :(

obviously i need to work harder on the mental side of weight loss, a loss triggers a binge, a bad day triggers a binge, a bad moment triggers a binge.... sooo frustrating i could just scream!!!!

right, no weighing for 2 weeks, 2 solid weeks of good food, balance and exercise as well as a daily analysis of my moods.... lets see what tomorrow will bring :(

wow what a week, ive been suffering with an unbearable toothache this week, went to the dentist yesterday and had the offending tooth removed, there was an abscess in the gum causing pain also. OMG I NEVER WANT TO EXPERIENCE THAT AGAIN! Because of the abscess the area wouldn't numb out completely, id rather give birth than feel that again, i was in tears in the dentist chair. I have a lot of work to be done and have to go back on August 10th, not looking forward to that. I feel like Ive gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson!! Theres been no exercise this week and my food choices have been off so no weigh in this week, I'm not going to punish myself with a gain this week on top of everything Ive been through!!

My goal at the minute is to be 70kg for my birthday, 30th July, 5 weeks away, very achievable i think :o)

100g

Yup only a slight 100g loss this week but heck considering the week its been i'll take that!

I was looking forward to a nice relaxing long weekend with Jase and the kiddies, being a long weekend there was no sport on which was great, but bugger me I was struck down with Laryngitis and Tonsillitis which in turn has gone to my chest and I now have Bronchitis, not happy, as you could imagine there has been no exercise done and my food choices have been far from good, for some reason I tend to reach for high sugar foods when I'm under the weather. I'm back on track food wise but don't want to push the exercise, I will ease back into it over the coming week... Thank god for antibiotics, they seem to have me on the road to recovery!

On another note I now have a coule of upcomming (although still quite a way off) social events to motivate me on my ww journey, September and October will see milestone birthdays for 2 of our mates and January (ages away yes but will be here before we know it!) we have a fancy dress birthday to attend, never been to one before so im looking forward to that and would like to be at goal and into maintenance by then :o)

2 Wonderful Weeks

Yup, that's exactly what its been.... who'd of thought that you can eat and lose weight! I think Ive spent wayyy to long being brainwashed by Cohens because to be honest I was somewhat scared when I switched back to WW, I was sure the kg's where gonna pile on, but no, just the opposite, 2kg gone in week 1 and another 2.2kg gone this past week, WOOT! Add to that Ive actually learnt a couple of lessons these past 2 weeks.... Its better to have what you want in a smaller portion over something with next to no calories is a huge portion..... exercise, its the key to not only weight loss but better sleep, better moods and just feeling well and alert in general!... Food doesn't make you happy, I'm unlocking some triggers to my habitual emotional eating and finding a few triggers to my bloody binges.... you are what you eat, better food choices affect all aspects of your day, an apple over a few lolly snakes is always better, probably a no brainer but in the past it eat a lot of junk but within my points allowance.... who says you cant teach an old dog new tricks!!!!

1 week down

Well I'm 1 week down and I have to say its been fantastic, Ive stayed on track all week, havent struggled, and have even been able to enjoy a biscuit with my coffee every other day, Ive managed to exercise everyday, and have even managed to get my water intake up, all in all its been a FANTASTIC week and for my efforts Ive been rewarded with a 2.0kg loss!! wooohooooo!

I cant even begin to tell you how great I'm feeling, my energy levels are up, I'm not starving and I'm enjoying eating meals with the family again, although slightly modified, healthier and in smaller portions, so I'm hoping the whole family benefit from this change.

Why didn't I do this months ago? haha ahh well better now than never :o)

stop... rewind.... replay

Right I've decided its time to stop all this nonsense and f***ing around.

I'm throwing in the towel with Cohen's for the time being as i simply cannot (or will not, whatever the case may be) commit 100% to the program. I didn't want to do this because in all honesty I didn't want it to be yet another diet/meal plan/eating program ( lifestyle program the folks at Cohen's call it, but at the moment its farrrrr from being within the boundaries of my lifestyle )

If I'm going to be honest with myself, putting it aside for now and continuing on with healthy eating is NOT failing, but continuing to eat cohens for 2 meals a day and binging in the evening because I'm so hungry and exhausted is failing, well in my eyes anyway.

I was going to return to WW online, i loved this program before, it feels great and the results are there to be seen, but to be honest im not willing to spend and more money on weight loss programs, i do have my old weight watchers points books so if need be could use them but i do like the computer based food diary's sooooo all that being said im using Calorie King, its a calorie based system and its free.

So its time to stop punishing myself for falling short of my goal and time to start again, from the beginning with a more do-able program. And at the end of the day its simple isn't it, shut your mouth (eat less, eat healthier, track your food intake) and move your ass (exercise) and the weigh will come off!

Well another week has passed. Bloody hell this year seems to be flying by!

Last week was good, great infact from Monday to Friday, but Saturday and Sunday seemed to be one long constant binge which has no doubt undone all the hard work i put in during the week :(

I have no idea what is wrong with me?! I think i need a new appraoch to this weight loss, ive been looking at it in desperation, feeling that i desperatly need to get the weight off, i think that comes from the fact that my mum was extremely obese having lost alomost 50kg about 5 years ago but ever since reaching her goal she has battled and has slowly regained almost 20kgs, and also the fact that my sister is morbidly obese weighing in at over 160kg, i know if i let myself go i too could be there, its in the genes..... i NEVER want to be there *sigh*

Maybe i need to set in place a few rewards for myself? being a busy mum of 5 i dont get much (none really) me time, so maybe rewarding myself with somthing to pamper myself when i reach each mini goal.... I shall give that some thought and perhaps post on it later in the week.

For now i will go back to taking it one day and one meal at a time. what else can i do? Forget the weekends slip up and put a LOT more focus into next weekend.


This weekend just gone we had a surprise visit from Jasons dad and his partner, which was lovely, it was quite funny really, we arrived at the kids footy Saturday morning at 7.45 and as i was unloading the pram i was telling Jason that Id woken from a dream that morning that his dad and partner turned up at footy that morning and that they came walking from between the trees (pointed them out to Jason) to greet us. "Nahh doubt that'll happen" he says, i went and got lil Deagan from his car seat and Jase yells out "Erica, look at this" he's pointing to the trees id just pointed out and would you believe it theres Frank and Marie walking over to us!!!! unreal i tell ya!!! We had a lovely weekend with them, the kids really enjoyed seeing them and was so good to catch up.

In the words of my teenage son..... last week = EPIC FAIL :(

I actually managed to gain 1.3kg, not good.

New day, new week, trying to have a better outlook on it all and start again (again), its no use focusing on the bad, think positive, positive... positiveeeee.... boy im tryin.

Ive been quite moody of late, havent been sleeping very well and wakinug up at odd hours hot as hell, sweating even. Mother dear is convinced its somthing to do with menopause, apparantly my nan went through it at 27! by god i hope not, going in to get some blood tests done today.

My aim this week is to take things a day at a time, a meal at a time if need be, plan ahead, and follow my cohens program to a T.... no snacking... no sneaking treats... if im hungry then i will push through somehow. Ive actually been considering WW online again but dont want to sign up and charge it to my credit card unless im 100% positive i'll follow it, which right now im not, grasping at straws i think, looking for an easier answer when i know there is no easy way, no matter what plan i choose in the end its down to me, if i follow it i will see results, if i sneak treats and cheat i will only get more disapointment.....

lets see what the day braings shall we? 1 meal at a time :)

hmmm last post 31st March, today is 11th May... needless to say ive dropped my bundle and have been off the rails!!

Im try ohh so hard to get back on track, trying and failing on almost a daily basis....

I will get there...

I will NOT give up and give in to being fat and (un)happy!

i WILL win!!!

chocolate chocolate and more chocolate!

now this is what i call an easter egg!!

and it weighs the same as my 4 wheel drive!!

1950kg that's insane! it is 8.32m tall and is made from at least 50 000 chocolate bars! 26 men worked together for 525 hours to complete it and according to the Guinness Book of Records its the biggest easter egg EVER!!! impressive stuff.

well needless to say all dieting and healthy eating has been put on hold until after the long weekend. We are expecting Jasons father and his wife to come visit for a couple of days so there will be lots of BBQ'ing beer and to much wine consumed. And not to mention all the chocolate, i have requested zero easter eggs this year but apparently that's just to boring, ohh well theres always next week for dieting lol.

Id like to wish everyone a Happy and Safe easter break xxx

12...12.....12!!!!

Hello size 12, its been soooo long, im very glad to see u back again!

Yes im very excited to say goodbye to 14's and hello, or rather welcome back, to my size 12 jeans!!! im on the downward spiral now, cant believe size 10 is just one size down!!! considering i was wearing 18's after having little Deagan i think im going along ok! wooohoooo!

going down!!

Well my mind is finally back in the right place, seems my previous posts were a little premature as i went on a couple more 'benders' lol ... finally back where i need to be now, feeling focused, positive and fantastic!!!!

2.6kg and i'll be a 60's girl again, cant wait, its been sooooooo long since ive seen a 6_.__ on the scale lol.

goals goals goals

Well its taken me a few days to get the head right since my last post, its finally all in check and im back on track.

This morning has me thinking about goals, what ive achieved and what i want to achieve..

* To date ive lost 11kg - big tick, very happy with that.
* My first major goal was to lost 10kg, proud to say ive done that!
* My second major goal, 70kg, is only 4kg away, i can almost hear it whispering to me!
* My next mini goal is 4.1kg away (to be in the 60's) again, very close.
* And my next major goal (65kg) is 9kg away, very do-able i think.

I started out on this journey with the thought of losing a quick 10kg on cohens, then switching to a more flexible plan, instead ive lost the 10kg, hed a few weeks of normality and indulgence and have now returned to cohens as i like the mindset it puts me in, my moods are much more relaxed, even more 'stable' which is always a good thing, im more organised, thinking clearer and more focused and 'together' , all good reasons to stick with cohens i think. Ive noticed this time around just how much foods effect everything, lots of junk and processed food really does leave you feeling flat, lifeless and moody, who'dve thought that the experts would be right about that! haha.

c'mon 60's

ok enough muckin around, im ready to buckle down again and head on down to the 60's!

up.... down.... up... down... up....

gotta love the yo-yo!

HAPPY OZ DAY!

blowout!

well here i am 3 to 4 weeks into my detox/cohens/diet (call it what you will) and last night i hit the wall, major blowout!! this is ok, for once im not beating myself up over it, im human, not some will of steel diet god!

im loving this new positive attitude i seem to have, not quite sure where it came from or how it got here but its more than welcome to stay :o)

its not what you know...

its WHO you know... isnt that what they say??

this has been proven twice this weekend, Jase and I went shopping for vinal for our floors, found a nice slate look one at a ticketed price of $70 per metre, our mate who is putting the floor covering down for us came with us, he is also good mates with the salesman, we were needing 13 metres of said vinal which came to $1000, Jase asked about the cash sale price, this is usually 10% discount, but the salesman takes out his calculator, runs a few sums and says 13metres, how about $500 guys?!!! I could barely contain my excitement at such a huge saving! half price! gotta love it!

later that arvo we were awaiting a plumber as we've been getting a few quotes on replacing an existing toilet, we were looking at between $300 and $400, so the plumber turns up and turns out he's a mate of my dads, $120 to install the new toilet! woot!!

in between these 2 instances Jase went to purchase some new brake pads for his car, first place was $320, 2nd place said $260, 3rd place he went to price them... $96!

ohh i do love a bargain!

hungry hippo

im struggling today, not sure why but im feeling very tired and hungry, maybe its the weather? maybe i should get a good multivitamin? no idea, but im thinking the multivitamin cant be a bad idea so i'll give that a go and see how im feeling as the days go on. Doing well on the weight front, 10.9kg gone and my weights been steady for a few days now. i must say that im loving not having the 'bloated' feeling i used to carry with me day in day out!

Corey enjoyed the week he spent with his father and im pleased to report he is starting to discover that the grass isnt always greener on the other side of the fence...

i ve finished painting Brock and Dylans bedroom and it looks much nicer, lighter and even bigger! next project is to strip and re gyprock the hallway, paint that and then were getting a mate in to recover the floorboards, im very much over the timber floors and im going with slate look vinal from through the hall, lounge, kitchen,laundry and toilet and will carpet the bedrooms later in the year, will have to get them done one at a time as theres just so much stuff in them, not looking forward to that job! but for now im having a week off before i strip the hallway.

busy busy busy

Well my big boy Corey has gone to spend a week with his father, wonder if he'll last the whole week this time or if his dad will bring him home early? Anyway im making good use of the time and the spare room and have decided to paint Brock and Dylans room, I got a start on it yesterday and as usual it looks like its gonna be a bigger job than i first expected, lots of plastering on the agenda today and filling gyprock joins... ohh joy lol

woot!

Hello size 14, ohh how ive missed you xx

... next stop 12!

time to cut the fat

well so far so good, seems my old cohens program isn't letting me down, I started back at it on Tuesday 29/12/09 weighing in at 85kg had new years eve night as a free night and here we are some 7 days later and the kg's are dropping off. I had the same success last time i followed my cohens program, lost 16kg in the first 4 weeks, fingers crossed i have similar success this time round, although i dont mind if its slower, i do think in reality that if the kgs come off slower there easier to keep off, you cant just come off cohens and resume normal eating, you have to follow the refeed program to find your healthy consumption balance and let your weight stabilise which is a pain in the butt... but for now I'm heading down to my first major goal... 70kg, 7.8kg to go :o)

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ONE AND ALL!